This Changes Everything Read online

CHAPTER INTERLUDE V

  Excerpts from the Chief Communicator’s Occasional Log, Clara Develops Trust in The Band

  March 13, 2013

  Led asks me weekly how I am “adjusting” which I think is somewhat solicitous and somewhat funny, usually. I try to give an honest appraisal of how well I am integrating the MWC’s lessons, the changes wrought by my new role, my public/private life balance. I find, each time he asks, that I am adjusting better and better and often report honestly that I feel calm and balanced. Then, I read about the latest violent Trencher attacks or hear about another Fragmenter rally and feel disheartened. Additionally, depending on what version of the timeline is most prominent, I miss or enjoy Epifanio's company.

  Today, another sunny California day, when Led asks me how I am doing, I feel cared about in addition to being evaluated. Since that in itself seems to be some kind of transition, I mention this to Led. I wish I could see a facial expression or some outer indication of any of The Band’s reactions, but that is not a part of any of their communications. They rely more on tone, energetic displays and exchanges, telepathic messaging, hormonal shares and other methods for causing emotional states that I can’t describe since I do not fully understand them. As a recipient, though, I can attest that they work quite well, even via holograms.

  So, when I say, “Led! I feel today that you care about me. Is that important?” I can sense his excitement and approval as well as see the intensification of his bounces (higher, faster, more frequent).

  “Clara! That’s wonderful! We are very pleased with your progress already and that is a sure sign as well. For Earthers and most sentient beings, feeling cared about indicates the building of trust is occurring, yes?”

  I consider this. It is rare for me to trust. I appreciate, collaborate, cooperate and care. I love, respect, assist and connect. But, trust? Almost never. At least, I don’t begin to trust anyone about anything important for a very long time, if ever. I may trust someone to do something… but I secretly have the internal experience of cynicism and mistrust: I believe that s/he will be late, the project will be incomplete, the work will be shoddier than I want, I’ll have to improve or re-do it, etc. Then, if these negative expectations are not met, I get to be pleasantly surprised, while expressing a less honest version (appreciation, gratitude, pleasure).

  The only person I ever trust, completely, is my teacher, Lama Sangyay. And, I know, when- and wherever Epifanio does become my actual husband, I trust him in that way as well. I trust those versions of Epifanio. I do not trust the versions of Fanio who do not love me, who are not with me. I can't.

  Trust, to me, also includes beliefs: that this person has my best interests at heart; that s/he will tell me the truth unless that is harmful to me; and, that s/he is basically altruistic toward me. Some versions of people are more trustworthy than others.

  Do I trust Led or any of them? Not yet. Not completely.

  “Well,” I say, slowly formulating my thoughts, “I am beginning to trust you all more. My current philosophy includes a belief that you and the MWC in general are genuinely benevolent. Does that count?”

  I can feel something new emanating from him. Is that disappointment? I hurry to explain. “It’s not you, Led. It’s me. I mean, I don’t trust anyone easily or quickly. OK?”

  There is a longish silence. He is checking some data. I wait.

  “Ahh,” Led exclaims, relief emanating from his image. “Earthers, especially Westerners, particularly female Spanners, are quite untrusting. Very common. To be expected. You’re correct, Clara. It’s not me or the MWC. It is you.”

  I hate being typical. It’s a pet peeve of mine. But, I know his data is accurate. It always is. “That’s what I am telling you,” I reply. I try and fail not to sound as petulant as I feel, so I add, “It’s coming along, though, right?”

  “Yes,” Led agrees. Subject closed. Moving on-type energy.

  Good.

  “Today’s Excellent Skills Program training lesson involves the fundamentals of telekinesis. Are you ready?”

  I really like my ESP training sessions, even when they are difficult. Plus, great synchronicity, those initials, right?

  Before I can answer Led, I hear/feel the *POPs* that signify the arrivals of the rest of The Band. “Just in time for my first telekinesis lesson!” I say. I’m excited. Telekinesis is a skill I want to acquire starting when I am very young. “Let’s go!”

  I go pee, then settle into my chair where most ESP training occurs when I'm training at home. Deep breathing, meditation clearing techniques and returning to spacious awareness are by now automatically my preparations. As I join the oneness, I have a startling realization: I DO trust The Band.

  Data: I allow them to download unknown quantities and content directly into my psyche the very first time we meet. I know they can hear my thoughts, see my nudity, enter my dwelling (albeit as holograms) any time, day or night, without my express permission or even knowledge, but I am not afraid or bothered in the least. I don’t just assume that they are benevolent; I have faith, I TRUST, that they do not intend to harm me in any way. I know that they are capable of harm while choosing to prevent themselves from harming me. I also know that they WILL and DO protect me.

  MORE DATA: I voluntarily hide information, quantities large or small, from everyone I know, at The Band’s simple request, without asking a lot of questions or demanding that they justify their rules. If you know me, you know how odd THAT is. I am often labeled the QUEEN of QUESTIONS.

  Furthermore, without knowing much about this ESP training, I permit all kinds of lessons, including some that occur while I am asleep, without asking much about them in advance. I embrace all the information they present to me, unquestioningly, ready to believe the facts as facts without debate (also uncharacteristic of me). I accept their definitions: of my role as liaison, of the MWC or the IGC, of the “way things work,” without questions as well.

  “HOLY MOLY, BATMAN!” I exclaim. “I DO trust you!”

  Mick asks, “Who is ‘Batman’?”

  Ringo jumps in, “I want to be ‘Batman’!”

  I laugh, feeling buoyant and delighted. “Sure. You can BOTH be Batmen. Go for it! I am certainly Robin! No tights for me, though. Hate those.”

  Janis echoes, “Tights?”

  “’Tights’ are women’s leg and footwear, called ‘stockings,’ or ‘pantyhose,’ but are usually thicker and with more variety in their colors. Sometimes worn by male dancers or for costume purposes,” Diana chirps, reading an entry.

  “In honor of my new-found trust, I will allow you to levitate me,” I announce.

  “Levitation is the next lesson. Telekinesis is first,” Led explains.

  “OK, sure, fine. Bring it on!” I’m psyched. On we go. My job ROCKS!